Pain

Pain.....

For the past 30+ years, I have experienced body pain.  I went to doctor after doctor trying to find the reason....none..one of the reasons we moved to Corvallis was to find a doctor that could help.

At the time, I just would curl up on bed and let the pain control.  Every joint, fiber, hair, nail felt like it was o fire and throb...throb...throb...all the thoughts, of some disease, cancer, etc flooded, my mind...the doctors just shook their heads and said. "You are just going to have to live with it...."    Finding no rhyme or reason...

When. We did move to Corvallis in 1989, I did go to a doctor who said,,"you might have fibromyalgia .....".    (Pre google or yahoo sarch). whatever that was....and sent me to a neurologist...

Sitting in his waiting room was a variety of brain patients,  was scary in itself.  But the doctor, a tall, lanky, hippie dressed guy looked at me and said, " I am so glad to see someone like you,  that I can help".  Were the first first words of hope I had had for a long time. So began a journey which continues to this day...now there are medications , which I have avoided because of the side effects.

For me personally, the right amount of sleep, the right kind of sleep, exercise, weight, and diet are the primary keys ...(don't we hear those keys for a lot) but there are days,...sometime weeks that those aren't the keys and endurance is...

Other times, there is no pain whatsoever for some unknown ,to me, reason....

I know if I sit too long, stay up late, eat certain foods, fall or hurt something , there are painful consequences.  So I weight the choices......

There have been all sorts of theories over the years for the fibromyalgia .  Too much penicillin as a child,  trauma to the body-like an accident, stress, bottled up stress, type of personality, etc...none conclusive,,,all of which are me...you can't see it on any kind of X-ray or MRI , pushing that area doesn't make it hurt more,  there is no breakdown of bone or joints, etc.  there are pressure points which if touched , hurt very much...it is not a terminal disease, you can't see it outwardly, it just is......

I have been turned down for insurances for having it..I called to ask why, because it is not life threatening..like diabetes or heart disease....but it is ongoing...

For others, there is mental pain, pain from some thing you can heal ....or not...

And so many are in far worse pain than I can ever imagine...both emotional and physical....

Jesus when he looked over Jerusalem and wept for them.  His beloved, fought for, dying for people rejecting his Lordship, Him.....soul pain....so deep...so heartbreaking ....

Those nails, spikes being driven in , one pound at a time...pound, pound, pound.  Through the flesh . Can you hear those ringing poundings?

Being lifted up on the wooden cross, dumped into the hole where the cross stood...the unfathomable agony....

Gravity pulling, ever pulling his body out of shape...

Watching as people walked by, ..the very people he loved, was dying for,  shake their heads in disgust....

The pain of giving his mother into another's care.....his mother,.....

The pain of the weight of all the sins of the world, its unlimited amount of sin of mankind throughout the ages....when I think about my one sin and how it weighs me down, what would all the sin weigh? Only He could have done it, the sin bearer....

Pain..as he cries out,,,,gives up to death .....

Then the darkness, the rending of the curtain .....the certainty that all was over...

But, the morning the women found the tomb empty...the Joy of His resurrection ...the painlessness, even the doubt,  , but His pain  was over.... 

I don't know if there will ever be a cure for fibromyalgia , but there is a cure for the pain of sin ....Jesus, In all of His glory, His comfort...His Love...