Guilt and relief....the grief oxymoron ....

Guilt and relief...the grief oxymoron .....

One topic that seems to be shoved aside in grief is the relief that the person has finally died....if it has been an expected death....just putting the words out there sounds cold, calculated, terrible, and unfeeling....but they are filled with tears of guilt  of even thinking....

those of us who are left, are tired, relieved in anguish, stressed to the max, smiling on the outside, hurting on the inside, shaking hands of other mourners, wondering how to take the next steps, wondering what the next steps are, working through all kinds of relationships,...are we doing the right things, not trying to step on anyone's toes or offend anyone, listening to the usual platitudes or what not to say to mourning family....missing the person excruciatingly, missing the might have beens, laughter mingled with tears of remembrances .....the clean up....the aftermath.....

For some, watching and waiting those days and weeks are endless pain management, care details,
For others, comfort care quickly comes,...
Watching, waiting, holding hands, talking softly if possible, but waiting ...the waiting...is so hard....watching the person go through the phases of dying....and finally it is guiltily over....and we still can't even fathom the relief and guilt of feeling the relief.....and release....

Anticipatory grief....I had never even heard of such terms before two years ago....is real...our hospice nurse brought it up to us...and there is a lot out there to read and meditate upon as well as find that we aren't so crazy after all...

http://dying.about.com/od/thegrievingprocess/a/anticip_grief.htm

Our family had so much support from others...and I thank them so much.....it helps me empathize with those who are moving down the same path...it is not an easy one...not fun..not really enjoyable....

God watched His son move down the path to meet death head on...it wasn't a pretty picture...He held his hand in prayer and purpose, but couldn't endure the pain set before Him...such agony...such torture, such abandonment..no friends there holding His  hand, speaking softly, comforting...only resolve to finish the course...to finalize the victory over death with resurrection .....


Thank YOU...for Your victory, our gain...in You...


Matthew 27 and 28, Luke 23