Stewing....

Stewing....

I rarely get angry anymore....I get frustrated instead and stew...neither of which is good....I was wishing for the anger last night, just to get it out and finished....but it wouldn't come....so a sleepless night ensued with bouts of scripture and reading....

Through out the night, I would stew, think, pray to get past the frustration  and Every time I picked up the book I was reading, there was encouraging words like, "move on with life", "don't get entangled", or Isaiah 41:10 ---
"10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Or, "Proverbs 3:24 When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

 And I kept saying, "but....but...." And try to sleep again with these things haunting, niggling my mind ....only to repeat the process over and over again....stewing...praying...reading...trying to sleep...until dawn and finally I just turned on the light for the day...it promises to be a long day ahead...short on sleep...

I was glad my husband couldn't see my frustration...or my dad to pick up my cause or even my mother to feel protective over her "little girl"...none would have had any positive effects...just more stewing....on all of our parts....it reminded me of the days of wedding coordinator when I picked up all stress so the bride would have a wonderful stress free day ......(it was relaxing later to go to a wedding without thinking of all the details to piece together, no crying brides, angry mothers, dancing flower girls, pacing grooms)...

My emotions,obviously, are not always where they need to be, under the complete control of the Holy Spirit...I wish they were...I have fears, frustrations, sins that stagnate my being until I can break free with God's help...He strengthens, He helps, He gives clear minds and thinking, and many times it is difficult to reach that effect peace...even with all the thanksgiving...for me , it is not automatic...like I wish...but a day by day process of working through and on it...yawn....

Thank YOU even for the sleeplessness of the night...help me to put my burdens on your shoulders instead of keeping them, unpacking and repacking the same ones over and over...and not lightening the load...nothing is settled by doing this...for anyone...

Philippians 4:4-9 new International Version (NIV)
Final Exhortations
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.