This day....

This day after Don's death was weird.....he was still there and he wasn't...I expected him to say something, to comment, to call...and he didn't...

I was relieved and then felt guilty because I was relieved...I was numb, but needed to move forward,,planning, thinking, feeling...whatever....family was about...people called, and I don't even know what they said...fogginess ....beyond crying one minute and crying the next...wondering if I did all I could...assailed with doubt and confidence at the same time...a blur...

Good morning,  and you may wonder what is good about it sometimes..and that is okay..God can take all of our comments, emotions, tears....

A friend told me, these times  will draw you closer to Jesus and it does...God becomes your constant companion in a whole new level....take time to grieve, cry, laugh, feel...grieve in your own way and God will show how that is. It will be like no one else's....your own special gift and growing...I read a lot, journaled...spent time with our children and grandchildren who each grieved differently....and we still had a business to run...

These are few of my favorite books...each different, each the same...a short and long course on widowhood, grieving...and there are so many more....
Books on grief-
1. The undistracted widow
2. Widow to widow
3. From one widow to another
4. Jesus today
5, Jesus calling
6. Ruth, love, loss and legacy
7.  Understanding your grief-wolfelt, alan, book and workbook
****8. Grief share- a whole website with a daily devotions and possible support groups, surviving the holidays, resources
9. A grace disguised
10. The empty chair
11. Getting to the other side of grief,
12. Embracing life again
13. Letter to a grieving heart
14. Grieving with hope
15. Walking on the road you never wanted to travel
16. Let me grieve,but not forever, Davis, Verdell
17. Hope for an Aching heart, Nyman , Margaret
18.traveling through grief , devries, smeege
20. A novel, "God's Gift" by dee Henderson ...
21. A grief Observed by c.s. Lewis
22. Tear soup
23. Through a season of grief
24. Sunshine after the storm, a survival guide for the grieving mother
25. I will love you forever.

Time is the essential...God is the healer....and He holds you so firmly, softly, willingly...so amazingly......

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
—Psalm 40:2–3
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.
—Psalm 42:5 nasb
The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
—Psalm 147:11

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