At first.....

At first....

When I first started writing down my thoughts in a note and then a blog, there were lots of observations from the walks I took...

I still do those walks....there are still spring flowers, summer flowers, fall flowers and colors along the path....some of the neighbors have changed, but most have stayed the same...over two years have come and gone since I moved here...

In one way time has flown by and in another way, it has crawled like a snail racing across the road...many sunrises and sunsets have etched their way across the sky, plain ones, spectacular ones......

I have read a lot of books, learned new skills, leaned on advisors, seen my grandchildren grow and mature, added new ones to the family, seen myself and my family grapple with sorrow and loss....as well as love in a new normal....

We are not waiting for those phone calls from dad so much, but would appreciate them if they came...we may still get blindsided with surprising times of emotion...maybe not often...time has indeed, marched on...and it does heal, somewhat....there is still wishful moments or even the "whys" hanging in the air....thoughts of sharing, reliving the "what ifs" and the "if only"...could we have done something else to prolong life, to live healthier, eaten better, exercised more,   Lifestyle changes we could have done.....and there are no easy answers .....

I can't say we are better  off, but we or I have moved forward, but not forgetting the bygone  days,.... two thirds of my life I was married to the same man, but now he is no more, but that time still influences me, my children, grandchildren, the lifestyles we live, the attitudes we have about giving, the memories we have, the different levels of grief and growth....

The " at firsts " have given away to living daily, moving forward, step by step, moment by moment, and enjoying those new moments....not trying to compare so much...acceptance of the now....

Thank YOU that your timing is not mine, You have infinite knowledge, comfort of the past, present and future...You see the whole picture, know the reasons for the seasons of our lives...You help us immeasurably through each from the "at firsts" to the "ever after"... Help me to be at peace with that and with You....trusting...


Teach ........ to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
Titus 2:2 NIV

Psalm 100:5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 119:5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!

Psalm 119:15 I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.

Psalm 119:26 I gave an account of my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.

Psalm 138:5 May they sing of the ways of the Lord, for the glory of the Lord is great.

Psalm 139:3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Psalm 145:17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.

Psalm 146:9a The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, ......

James 1:25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.