Two years ago....

Two years ago.....

Two years ago I read this devo from "Jesus calling"...it was the first Father's Day without my husband, the first Father's Day without a father for my children....two months since he had gone to sleep to wake no more here on this earth...

We were still in shock...dismay...hurting...hard to even go to church...sitting there alone without him holding my hand as he did...everything seemed a blur...even though  we were living everyday, making it through...

I wrote in my journal, "it feels like I am going to explode from the inside out, wake up every night trembling all over,  I do need laughter".

I was and am so blessed to have wonderful children to help, but we all needed comfort at different levels in different ways...we all reacted differently to this emotional turmoil. Some were angry, others withdrew....grief is so personal ....no right or wrong way...and each have to let the other work through it in their own time, way....as we still are...so many things changed when the diagnosis was handed out, "terminal"....and it hasn't been the same since...

When do you really feel  like a widow ....or stop looking out the window...or certain trucks stop looking familiar....or stop thinking, "I have to share this...."....or the ambushes stop hitting so hard......or looking at your grandchildren, present ones and future ones, thinking they don't have a grandpa to wrestle with or talk to.....or your children wanting to talk with dad.....


Thank YOU for time we had....Your timing in all...with those numbered days and planned paths...


June 17
Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don’t take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you.When you desire My will above all else, life becomes much less threatening. Stop trying to monitor My responsibilities—things that are beyond your control. Find freedom by accepting the boundaries of your domain.
Laughter lightens your load and lifts your heart into heavenly places. Your laughter rises to heaven and blends with angelic melodies of praise. Just as parents delight in the laughter of their children, so I delight in hearing My children laugh. I rejoice when you trust Me enough to enjoy your life lightheartedly.
Do not miss the Joy of My Presence by carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Rather, take My yoke upon you and learn from Me. My yoke is comfortable and pleasant; My burden is light and easily borne.
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
—Proverbs 17:22
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
—Proverbs 31:25
“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”
—Matthew 1:23

Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.
—Matthew 11:29–30 amp