Listening to bad news...moving forward...
I remember the moments when two different doctors gave the diagnosis of terminal cancer for my husband. One was the afternoon in ER after I took him to find out why he was losing his balance so much...the second was after surgery two days later. Both doctors said basically the same thing..15-18 months at the most....we were in shock....this wasn't what we wanted to hear let alone live with....they both gave the cancer a name and of course we looked it up to find out for ourselves what this disease was...were the doctors really right, what were we dealing with, was there someplace we could go for "better" treatment, what was the treatment, ....then we continued living day to day...dealing with whatever came as best we could...
Lawyers, doctors, accountants, friends, family, business matters....a multitude of details..we tried to make the most of our time....everything seemed to be in fast forward and intense .....every family and friend time was precious ....we did the mundane as well, trying to find a new normal which changed daily it seemed...my husband even went to a convention ....I dropped him off in the morning and picked him up in the afternoon...he enjoyed talking to friends in his industry from many many years of association ....(he was called an institution of that industry in the state)...
God held us so very closely..although we couldn't "see" Him, he was there with us all the time, strengthening, encouraging, comforting, holding ...every waking moment..he was there in the people he sent, the notes and treats we received...the calls which came, the love we felt....
Thank YOU for the bad news as well as the good...thank You for holding our family closely...even when at times we may have felt You didn't ...we may never understand the "whys"... But we trust you know...
Joshua 23:8 But you are to hold fast to the Lord your God, as you have until now.
Psalm
18:16-19 He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 139:8-10 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Helping a Loved One Live Well
By June K.
When your loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness, being a caregiver means providing a lot of the emotional and practical support needed to help keep your loved one’s life moving forward as smoothly as possible. The most important first step in becoming a caregiver is understanding the disease you are dealing with. Educating yourself on your loved one’s illness will help you become the best advocate for your loved one. With all of the different treatments available and all of the side effects to be aware of, there is so much to keep track of and remember. By starting this education process early, you can better manage your and your loved one’s state of mind.
Whenever possible, try to attend appointments to hear the doctor’s orders firsthand and make sure you and your loved one fully understand them. Also try to take it one step further and help the doctor with treatment management – keeping a journal of your loved one’s progress and how he or she is feeling every day may provide useful information to the doctor.
In your loved one’s day-to-day life, helping him or her stay active is certainly important. While it’s crucial to make sure that your loved one doesn’t overexert him or herself, I have come to realize that there is a fine line between reasonable caution and overanxious nagging. It’s beneficial for your loved one to keep moving when possible, even if it is for simple, daily household tasks. Don’t make your loved one feel that he or she is of no use because of the illness. Doing so can give him or her feelings of hopelessness. It is better to keep as much of your loved one’s life as normal as you can.
There are a million other ways to support your loved one that might be common sense, but I really want to impress on you and other caregivers the importance of letting your loved ones know in their hearts that they are loved, important to you, and have a reason to stay strong and fight through their illnesses. Be sure to reassure them that they aren’t a burden and that you freely choose to help.
Through this whole process, there is also that one thing that nobody wants to discuss, but is one of the most important caregiving topics for those managing terminal illness. When it comes to planning for the potential end of your loved one’s journey, I suggest that instead of avoiding the issue, you deal with the subject head-on and be done with it. If your loved one is facing a terminal diagnosis, the chances are, he or she is thinking about this too, and it can help to alleviate some of his or her fears for you and your family. Once you have the conversation, he or she won’t worry as much about those issues any more, and it might be easier to think and live in the present. It can also help you because it is easier to think through those details when you are not grief-stricken.
There is a quote from an unknown author that has given me and my loved one a new perspective to live by. It goes like this: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. So don’t let a disease dictate your life — get out there, defy it, and LIVE.
