The “if onlys”…2

  

The “if onlys”…2

As I reread this blog 7 years out, I remember the desperation I felt as I watched my father die…I wanted so for him to live…I wasn’t ready for another loss…and I fought it…

There had already been so much change, even good changes after the deaths of my mom and husband…but…

When I think of this, I find my motivation for facilitating Griefshare…to encourage others to find joy in the mourning…I needed that, found that, wanted to share it…

Oh, we all still grieve, we mourn over the losses…but God heals in the grief…He does bring good from the bad as the Word says…we may not understand how or even why or the “if onlys”…

There are still down days, reflecting days, crying days but, they are fewer and more replaced with new normal days, thankful days, joyful days, “I can “ days…as we trust more, live more, praise more, give more…

Thank YOU…..

“The "if onlys"....



When my father came to stay with me two years ago, my goal was to get him well, and we would have a great time together...do some traveling, visiting as we had in the past...my expectations were high ....just get him well, healthy, thinking clearly, thinking positively as he was known for, whistling again, gain some weight, eat healthy, walking again, happy...get him back on track....



Such naïveté.....all he was ready for was to float away and die....he was ready for his heavenly home ..and I didn't recognize it or maybe I didn't want to recognize it...I wanted this one last parent to live...we had already lost my mother   and my husband.....I wanted life...not another death...I wasn't ready to let him go...



And within six weeks, he got his wish and I was still not ready...my expectations were so different  than his...I had only to reread the tasks and the processes of dying...we had read them when my husband was dying...but I blocked them out as I still wanted what I wanted....I didn't want to let go until the very end...



There are so many "if onlys" in life and death...things we usually have no control over...being at the wrong place at the wrong time, being exposed to something "accidentally",  making a last minute decision, a multitude of events...which we can't redo...there are not many "do-overs" in life...
There are some readjustments, or realignments ...or renewed focus, and there is always forgiveness ....if need be...

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And I tend to over-think some things, over planning, trying to get it just right...when all God wants is setting my mind on Him and he will take care of it....letting Him have to plans, the "if onlys", my hearing heart...and open mind...He makes the ultimate decisions.....



Thank YOU for Your timing, you plans in my life....help me be open to changes, directions,....opening my hands to receive from You....Your perfect will...



Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. 

Proverbs 16:9 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps

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Ecclesiastes 11:8a However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all.....



Ecclesiastes 7:2b ....for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart. 



Ecclesiastes 3:2a a time to be born and a time to die ...”
  


http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/process.htm

http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/5_tasks_dying.htm