There are times when it just hurts....

There are times when it just hurts....

Having been a widow now for 7 1/2 years, the pain of loss still hits like a bomb once in a while.  I have worked hard emotionally to move on, to carry on with joy, with growth, with encouragement to others, not burdening others and myself with being “stuck” in various places of grief...but, there are times when it just hurts...

Not that you want your partner back with their pain or disease, you desire them back whole, no pain, no cancer...you want life back to “normal”...whatever that looks like...

Its when you continually are surrounded by couple oriented events...when you see something you shared and you want to comment on it to them...or when a child/grandchild is involved with a significant event... or a new grandchild arrives and they won’t know their grandparent...or you want their touch, a hug, holding hands, their encouragement, a talk over breakfast, a laugh, just something common and ordinary that you took for granted when they were alive...not the aloneness that can quench our souls...

There are times when tears come unbidden, wanting to have their way for awhile, memories flooding the mind, the self pity rolls in like a stormy black cloud...

I give in to those moments, wishing they would bring the loved one back or thinking about the “might have been or the what if’s”...but, I can’t live there...it isn’t real...I don’t want to model that lifestyle...

The God of all has become my husband...his joy is my strength...his Love wraps around me like a cloak, I am comforted by his Word in the darkest of times...he has prayed and intercedes for me...he has said there is a time for everything...he has granted me every spiritual blessing in Christ...and so very much more...thank YOU...

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

Psalm 40:1-3 

For your Maker is your husband — the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:5 

a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

Ecclesiastes 3:4 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Ephesians 1:3

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23:1-6