When my husband and I first met, he drove a teal colored VW bug...it had been his first new car at one time....he driven it to Alaska on the spring road one year and had driven it back to Oregon to college in the early sixties...it was still in good shape, but he used it for everything...it "reaked" with Jade East, the popular men's cologne at the time,...he had dosed it well after shearing sheep....the month before we got married, the car died and we bought a new Ford pickup, which we had for about three years until we downsized to VW station wagon...
But all in all, Ford pick ups were our vehicle of choice...he had several through our married life...their engines always had the same sound when they started up...
I was sitting at a meeting recently, I looked down at the floor and there were cowboy boots on someone's crossed legs....ambush...the next morning I was waiting to cross the street and the familiar Ford engine started about three cars down.....ambush....
I had been reviewing the next segment of Griefshare the day before these two events happened and they were talking about ambushes....it was like I had to live through a few to have that familiar moment of ambushes of memory...of pain....of feeling that loss again and again...tears... waves of grief...to build yet another layer of empathy....to not forget all the years of married life through the little things that I took for granted so easily ...you never know when something will trigger grief....ambushing you with tears, awareness...
The Griefshare speakers said it takes at least 6 months before the heart stops responding to a car door opening, a telephone call, something that was a day to day happening....and we finally know that our loved one is not going to come through that door...that we don't answer that phone In anticipation of hearing their voice...not sure that is long enough for some....the tears still fall, the loneliness can be overwhelming at surprising times....and I still hear that Ford engine start.....or see the cowboy boots on crossed legs....I realize they are still part of my life, memories of good times, a good marriage, coupleness......but reality of widowness ...moving forward....moving into new memories, new purpose.....but forgetting....with God's infinite care and comfort....
Thank YOU....you gave me a wonderful spouse...wonderful years, wonderful memories, Abundant life.....Yourself to see me through the mountains and the valleys..."my help comes from the Lord"....
Psalm 121:1-
No comments:
Post a Comment