Rising early....

Rising early....

I had to chuckle this morning as I read "Jesus calling".  It seems like I have been tossing and turning all night with Fibro...all of my joints feeling twice their size and throbbing away for whatever the reason...so finally turned on the light at 4:30 am....only to read that devotional...I knew it anyway....but it was just another reminder of God's all knowing, all powerful, all present being...His infinite plans, waiting for us on each new day...He never sleeps, never forsakes..always loves...always cares...always protects...always watches....always strengthens...

Thank YOU....for being there no matter what...planning, caring, watching...

January 31
I am your Strength and Shield. I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed. I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what’s on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with Me. My Power flows freely into you through our open communication. Refuse to waste energy worrying, and you will have strength to spare.
Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am your Shield. But unlike inanimate armor, I am always alert and active. My Presence watches over you continually, protecting you from both known and unknown dangers. Entrust yourself to My watchcare, which is the best security system available. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
—Psalm 28:7
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
—Matthew 6:34
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
—Psalm 56:3–4
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
—Genesis 28:15

Remain.....again....

Remain again.....

In December I wrote about the word "remain" and it has come up again and again...

1 John 2:24-28 As for you, see that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. And this is what he promised us—eternal life. I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him. And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming. 

This same John is writing again in his old age...encouraging the Christians, "my dear children" to continue in the Word...remain in the faith...remain in Him who has anointed you...

And again in the Psalms...God remains the same..He doesn't perish, He remains forever...continues to exist when all else is gone...faithful forever....

And here we are, two thousand plus years later , exhorted to do the same...remain...as millions of others have done, are doing , will do...encouraging those around us to remain in Him..."confident and unashamed before him at his coming." His word still holding true....to remain....

Psalm 102:25-27 In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth,and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end. 

Psalm 146:6 He is the Maker of heaven and earth,the sea, and everything in them—he remains faithful forever. 

Thank YOU again...help me to continue to remain in You as You remain in me....

Remain....

I was reading John 15 and one word kept leaping out, "remain" over and over again..like it was worth repeating....IT IS....that connection, that "remain".....

Jesus is in us, with us.....as life flows through branches not cut off...He is our life blood, our breath, our comforter, our Word, our bread, our Love, our Christmas Joy, our Righteousness, our Redeemer..our everything...our remainer....that once there never leaves....or forsakes....

Thank YOU for remaining .....help me to remain in You, to bear the fruit...that only glorifies You.....

Psalm 146:6 He is the Maker of heaven and earth,the sea, and everything in them—he remains faithful forever. 

John 15:1-11 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. 

If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 

If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 

This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. 

Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 

Hope.....

Hope.....

Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This morning I looked up the word, "hope"...

It was interesting to find the highest occurrence  was found in two books, Psalms and Romans....and the highest occurrence in Psalms is in the longest chapter, 119...and many times hope is associated with waiting....

 

Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,and in his word I put my hope. 

Psalm 62:5-8 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God;he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 

When i am in distress from whatever the cause, sickness, persecution, grief, suffering...I tend to be impatient to get out of it as soon as possible...I really don't want bad things to happen to me....or anyone else for that matter...but I want only good...where there is no pain of any kind...

For some reason that just doesn't seem to fit real life...we have many times of joy, good, but there is pain...hope sees us through ....hope in God Himself, hope in His truth, Hope in Christ our salvation...

Psalm 131:3b .......put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore. 

It is not to be just a passing hope, but a  forever hope...

Psalm 119:43, 49, 74, 81, 114, 116, 147 Never take your word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws. 

Remember your word to your servant,for you have given me hope. 

May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. 

My soul faints with longing for your salvation,but I have put my hope in your word. 

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. 

Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.

 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. 

But, all that being said,,,it still has to be an intentional decision....to hope, not to give up...on my part...it is not automatic ....but I can decide to go to that Hope first.....

Thank YOU for giving hope, being hope, providing hope...

Spiritual gifting......

Spiritual gifting......

We were asked this last weekend what our spiritual giftings were...if we didn't know it, to go to the sites and take the "tests" that would help us to decide that information...

Putting that with the Griefshare small group, my question is, "what was the spiritual gifting of your loved one/one's?"  How did you compliment one another?  And how is God using that now or how do you see that being used in the future?

Or the question "how were your lives woven together" as brought out in the Griefshare lessons. I loved that "woven together " phrase....

When  you watch a weaver, there are the strands of yarn, set in the loom,and the others moved back and forth weaving in and out, in and out, each combining to make a pattern set by the designer...intricately working together  to make a whole...a complete...

With the loss of our loved ones, we may think the design is finished, but it really goes on and on, weaving the strands of life into our lives and those around , making a new pattern ...a design for others to see and us to live out...

Our spiritual gifting doesn't change, but the direction may...our loved ones are still woven into our lives, we aren't working together anymore, but we are still being molded , woven into another realm which was well thought out by our Creator...

My husband's gifting was giving, administration...mine are high in those areas as well...I didn't work in his office as our administration skills were very different, but that was okay...I saw then and now I look back and see where our lives complimented one another, how we worked in giving, how we prayed over the gifts, how we rejoiced in giving...how it brought joy to our whole family...and still does...we haven't forgotten the giving, as it is still an integral part of our lives...it is just different now...

Or encouragement, which we both did....it didn't end with his death...it looks different without him, but it goes on and on in many people's lives...woven into the pattern, not forgotten, but lived...

So again, I ask, how did/do your giftings compliment one another?  How is 

God using that to His Glory?

Thank YOU for intricately weaving, forming  my loved one and myself...putting us together, complimenting one another.....help those of us who are left to move forward still embracing that gifting for Your glory..

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

  Romans 12:5-8 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. 

1 Corinthians 12:1-24, 26 Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit. There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 

Devotionals again....

Devotionals .......

Over the years our family has done a multitude of devotionals, some just for kids, others for we adults, or combinations of the two...that was besides reading the Word each day...

When our children were little, my husband would read each one from the Picture Bible. we would also read at the breakfast table;

Magnificent machine, keys for kids, Proverbs, the Bible alphabet, the Daily Word.

This was all pre-computer...now these are available on the computer without all the paper...

For several years, My husband and I went through the Navigators Prayer and praise journal....we read 31 days of praise-several times, Jesus calling-many times,  Jesus lives, walk through the Bible-several times,  through the psalms in a year, a hymn for each day, devotions for those in leadership, experiencing God, devotionals for entrepreneurs, devotions for dieters, devotions on Hope through grief, and even those quick devotions in  the car(not my favorite).....

 Not matter what we did, God spoke into that day to our hearts, a Word of praise, thanksgiving, conviction, hope, encouragement .....His Word never grows old...it may speak at one level one year and at another level later...passages take on a whole new depth depending on what life experiences are happening to us...

For example, I always loved the book of Ruth for a love story...but as a widow, going through it again,  it took a whole new light and meaning...truths that I didn't relate to before, became more enlightening...

Thank YOU for always speaking to my children, my husband and I through Your Word, through various devotional books over the years...Your Word has been a lamp to all of our feet through time...You have shown us a path..please continue to work through your Word in our lives, with guidance each day...

Psalm 119:9-16 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart;do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, Lord; teach me your decrees. With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.

Psalm 119:169-176 May my cry come before you, Lord;give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you;deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise,for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word,for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me,for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, Lord,and your law gives me delight. Let me live that I may praise you,and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep.Seek your servant,for I have not forgotten your commands. 

Forgotten.....

Forgotten....

Last night I was supposed to go to a meeting with another small group leader...she was supposed to drive and pick me up at a agreed upon time...

She never showed and by the time I realized she wasn't coming it was too late to go...forgotten...and left behind....so my evening plans were simplified....

We don't have to go far to see others who look forgotten and/or left behind...some sit at street corners with their signs asking for help...others sit in darkened homes or rooms....time slowly passing...forgotten, it seems, by the world quickly moving, busy with life....

There are many assisted living and residence homes in this town for the seniors and elderly...I have visited a few for various reasons as well as others in different towns to see friends and family...I come away both refreshed and saddened by the feelings expressed by the residents...there is joy mingled with hopelessness....so many forgotten along the way....

God doesn't forget us...a thought and a commitment for which I am thankful...He knows us, has known us from our beginnings in the womb...He knows everything about us, even how many hairs we have on our heads...he knows our hearts, our thoughts, ....nothing is forgotten about us, except our forgiven sin....thank YOU ...

Job 11:6 and disclose to you the secrets of wisdom,for true wisdom has two sides.Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin. 

Luke 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

The hard part, reading through scripture, is how many times we have forgotten God...over and over through out history, the people walked away, forgetting Him...following other gods made by man...ideas...philosophies ....turning their backs on their Creator....

help me not to forget and walk a foreign path, following the world....

Jeremiah 44:9-10 Have you forgotten the wickedness committed by your ancestors and by the kings and queens of Judah and the wickedness committed by you and your wives in the land of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem? To this day they have not humbled themselves or shown reverence, nor have they followed my law and the decrees I set before you and your ancestors. 

Our worth in Chrsit....

Worth in Christ.....

There are times when it seems that life is really a downer...I question my worth in anything, asking "what is the use" or even "what is my use"....

Gray days, dark days.....then I am reminded of a very dark day in history when Christ was on the cross, skies darkened and the curtain in the temple was torn from the top to the bottom by God...showing His power, and His openness to come to His Holies of Holies......Christ died for me...and everyone else...I was worth his death...we were loved even before we became...I was prayed for two thousand years ago...He knew my form, He knew my path in life, it was prepared especially for me....and I am in awe....the day has turned from dark to His light no matter if the sun is shining or not ......He speaks truth into my heart, my life....

He gives me simple gifts of a note from a friend, a phone call with a child, a conversation with a long time associate as we cry together over loss and gains, a walk in the sunshine, a ride with an enthusiastic grandchild, a picture of a growing baby, a new flower peaking out of the snow, a rainbow in the clouds as a storm moves through, a burst of energy after the pain, a verse or song to add joy..love spoken in many ways...showing my worth to Him....

Thank YOU for the light in the darkness, the worth You showed me...my worth to You....

This site has verses showing our worth in Christ...really good...

http://www.openbible.info/topics/our_worth_to_god

Another site...

Your Worth in Christ, Bible.org

1. Defaced But Not Erased

2. Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

3. Adopted as God’s Child

4. Disciplined as God’s Child

5. Restored and Rejoiced Over as God’s Child

6. Justified, Sanctified, and Headed for Glory

7. Broken but Usable For His Glory

The last time poem.....

The last time poem .....

The poem, "the last time" written by an unknown person caught my eye.  The poem speaks to the last time one may do something with their child without knowing it will be the last time, as the child is growing up and away...

It hit me differently....as the last time one may see a loved one and not know it...

It reminded me of two mothers I know, one young with a young daughter with cancer...the last time she held her before giving her over to the arms of Jesus...

Another, expecting to meet her daughter after a short drive, only to find out there had been a fatal accident of which her daughter was the fatality....

I am sure that those two mothers thought of those last times with their daughters....

Or others, visiting parents, spouses, children that last time...those long hugs....of all the lifetimes of picture in our minds, memories now, to be viewed later when we aren't so numb...to be viewed later when we can heal in their midst and savor them...

I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to do that...looking through mountains of pictures, it seems, chuckle at forgotten jokes, cry over long ago love letters, relish the smell of a fifty year old corsage, heal from those "last times"....but yet pass on to others the essence of people who have gone before....passing on life, beliefs, passions....

We aren't to get caught up in endless genealogies ....but assimilate our lives in Christ, passing on the wisdom we may have learned, praying for future generations as Christ prayed for us...as I know that some of  my ancestors did...that those who come after will pick up the sword of the Word and move forward in Christ...till that last time...

It reminds me of the disciples watching Jesus ascend into heaven, what must have been their thoughts...was there a last question in their minds...a wishing for one last touch...another word...a worried moment of "what now?"....or "why didn't I listen more"....a "don't go" .....the last time....on earth...

Thank YOU for those "last times".... Help me make each moment count...

http://www.bellebebes.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/The-Last-Time-poem.jpg

1 Timothy 1:3-5 As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. 

Acts 1:9-11 After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight. They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. “Men of Galilee,” they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.” 

Reality....

Reality ......

One of the goals of grief according to the Grisfshare material is to accept the reality that your loved is dead...that they aren't coming back...that they aren't going to come through the door....that the phone call is not going to come....whatever we are expecting or waiting for....and we are to move forward in that reality....

Joshua 1:1b-2, 6

"The LORD said to Joshua ....'Moses my servant is dead.  Now then, you and all these people, get ready...because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.'"

It took several months for the waiting to subside for me, even though in my heart I knew the reality of my parents and my husband's death...there are still times when something happens, I read an article, receive a letter, read a joke, see a sunset, whatever...that I want to turn and share  with them...I still pass their pictures and may say "hello" or " I love and miss you..."   

I have found such comfort in God's word, knowing that He sends with right words to my heart and mind at just the right time...

This morning, He sent Psalm 119: 35, "Direct me in the path of your commands for there I will find delight."

As I have travelled some these last few years with my parents, family and husband to various destinations, I have taken pictures of pathways. The trails in New Zealand where the the Hobbit was filmed....pathways and bridges in Nova Scotia where Anne of Green Gables was from....paths through cemeteries....the hot pots in Yellowstone...a rose garden...and many, many more...even the pathway through our valley of death...each picture has a memory...to me, each calls for a verse on paths from God's Word...

So I put together a book twinning the pictures with verses .....

None of the pictures have an end to the path...that is to be found out  in life....where does each go...  Just as in the verse...by following that path of God's, we find  delight...even in the reality for facing our loved one's death...that is the path chosen for us ...

The paths are not all easy and smooth, easy walking.. But we have God's promise that He is there with us...directing, comforting...listening...speaking to our hearts...reality for the "now"...

Thank YOU for each path...some I didn't really want to  walk through, but You  

helped me ....others were wonderful, challenging, each selected especially for me...because You love me....

Gain or loss....

Gain or loss....

Being on staff during a church split is horrific, gut wrenching, rudely awakening...just plain awful....but that was the place I was supposed to be a few years ago...I was reminded of this event this week as I was reading 1 John and Jesus, our advocate...

The body at the time was not showing much brotherly love...and not walking as He had walked...

I remember standing as one part of the staff with the others...vulnerable, speechless while anger was spewed forth over and over again for various offenses, of which I was not a part of. Later, one  person after another came to my defense. I loved both sides of the parting groups and continued to show that then and over the years...what loss and gain...of witness, time and energy for that body of believers...

I look at these families now, where they are, how they are standing, how they are serving, how the children fared, ....some have fallen, some have deepened their walk, many are scattered as the first Christians, some still maintaining their hold on tradition.....I honestly look at where I am as well...much personal loss since then...but much personal gain as well...God has a way of trimming life down to the basics...Our life with Him...His advocacy for us through the trials here...Jesus stands and takes our sin before an unruly crowd, shoulders it, dies for it, and raises again...claiming us as His own...Thank YOU....for being my advocate...I am cherished.... 

 

Jesus calling-I want you to be all Mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone—not in other people, not in circumstances. Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: the everlasting arms. So don’t be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on—one step at a time. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving Presence.

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, “Destroy him!”
—Deuteronomy 33:27

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39

Cowboy boots and a ford engine ....

Cowboy boots and a ford engine....

When my husband and I first met, he drove a teal colored VW bug...it had been his first new car at one time....he driven it to Alaska on the spring road one year and had driven it back to Oregon to college in the early sixties...it was still in good shape, but he used it for everything...it "reaked" with Jade East, the popular men's cologne at the time,...he had dosed it well after shearing sheep....the month before we got married, the car died and we bought a new Ford pickup, which we had for about three years until we downsized to  VW station wagon...

But all in all, Ford pick ups were our vehicle of choice...he had several through our married life...their engines always had the same sound when they started up...

I was sitting at a meeting recently, I looked  down at the floor and there were cowboy boots on someone's crossed legs....ambush...the next morning I was waiting to cross the street and the familiar Ford engine started about three cars down.....ambush....

I had been reviewing the next segment of Griefshare the day before these two events happened and they were talking about ambushes....it was like I had to live through a few to have that familiar moment of ambushes of memory...of pain....of feeling  that loss again and again...tears... waves of grief...to build yet another layer of empathy....to not forget all the years of married life through the little things that I took for granted so easily ...you never know when something will trigger grief....ambushing you with tears, awareness...

The  Griefshare  speakers said it takes at least 6 months before the heart stops responding to a car door opening, a telephone call, something that was a day to day happening....and we finally know that our loved one is not going to come through that door...that we don't answer that phone In anticipation of hearing their voice...not sure that is long enough for some....the tears still fall, the loneliness can be overwhelming at surprising times....and I still hear that Ford engine start.....or see the cowboy boots on crossed legs....I realize they are still part of my life, memories of good times, a good marriage, coupleness......but reality of widowness ...moving forward....moving into new memories, new purpose.....but forgetting....with God's infinite care and comfort....

Thank YOU....you gave me a wonderful spouse...wonderful years,  wonderful memories,   Abundant life.....Yourself to see me through the mountains and the valleys..."my help comes from the Lord"....

Psalm 121:1-

Answered prayer...contentment ...

Answered prayer....contentment....

One of the things I have been "fighting" since my husband's death is change of roles or "new hats" I have had to put on....

I was comfortable in my old roles ....and I didn't want change or like the change...I didn't want the authority, the final decision  making responsibility to lay with me...I wanted it like it was...him being the businessman that he was, not me...I liked working on women's church issues  or time to work in the floral shop, to create, to serve in other areas...not business....not paperwork....not my forte...

But, apparently, God had other plans....but He did them so graciously .....we still had a trusted administrative assistant, lawyers, accountants and partner who knew and willingly advised and counseled about what to do and where to go...my husband and I had even added this list of advisors to our estate planning binder for our children to call upon in case something should happen to us...I am glad we talked over the qualities of each and agreed on them...as I am now using them...

I remember the day we walked into one of our lawyer's office....we sat down as usual with unusual news...we have known him for 25 + years...he had helped us with so many things, from adoption to land issues to wills to trusts, a friend....we sat there before him and told him about my husband's cancer and our deadlines of changes in paperwork, the many changes we needed to make, quickly....his face in dismay, his burden for us evident (his wife's mother had just died from exactly the same cancer).....a good advisor...

Or our administrative assistant who was going through issues of her own...a friend ....and so much more in our business...she helped immeasurably ....while she herself was losing her father to dementia ....and finally death as well...

Or the accountant, with my uneducated questions about what was right or wrong with various accounts and accounting procedures ....

Or our partner, who this past year has repeated radiation for his own cancer and received a new voice from throat cancer....his work and enthusiasm on work projects...and diligence through his cancer, his father's death....

I would call upon these wonderful advisers, friends with all sorts of questions...how to do this or that,...and they would patiently walk me through them......I realized the other day that I wasn't as rattled or anxious about the decision making as I was a year ago...I was in a better place emotionally ....time had  helped...Prayer had helped....God had intervened yet again to add contentment in this area of my life....

 But beyond me, God has been working in all of our lives, through drastic events, deaths, cancer, moves, business ups and downs, church revision, graduations, job changes ....we are all a small microcosm of the whole world in flux...

We are to give thanks in ALL things....I usually want to do that in my perceived good only ...but the Word says ALL...not part or things of my choosing, but ALL...contentment in ALL as well....

Then the peace which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus...Phil. 4:6-7

Thank YOU for answered prayer, peace, guarding my heart and mind...

What breaks your heart?....

What breaks your heart?.....

Last night I attended a meeting where a video was shown with Andy Stanley..

He asked the questions, "Who are You?" and "What breaks your heart?" as leading questions, thinking questions and summary questions....he just kept asking them....probing our heart and souls, helping us to define where  we are in life...are we sitting on the sidelines watching the world go by or  are we doing what God calls us to do, be it taking care of others, praying diligently,  walking the paths to foreign service, working with teens, the elderly, the unsaved...what breaks our hearts and what are we doing about it???

Nehemiah was broken hearted upon hearing about his homeland, he prayed, ending with, "I am a cupbearer "...  No sense that he would be the one sent to  help rebuild the walls and lead...

 Ezra called to rebuild the people to God

John called to restore and call to repentance, announce Jesus...

Mary, broken,  used the oil with tears...

Paul called to go to the Gentiles .....

Each broken, used .....

Another question asked by Andy Stanley's wife....."many years from now, what would people line up to thank you for?"....

This one is a gut wrencher....this one a reminder of  one of my husband's  favorite songs, one which we had at each memorial ..."thank you for giving to the Lord"... 

Not that we seek man's glory, but am I or are we doing that for which we are called? What breaks our hearts enough that we will something about it???  Am I fulfilling the task that God put me here for?  Or am I avoiding it? Putting it on the back burner? Not listening, covering my ears??

Thank YOU...help me ask each day, what am supposed to do for YOU?

Nehemiah 1:1-11 The words of Nehemiah son of Hakaliah:In the month of Kislev in the twentieth year, while I was in the citadel of Susa, Hanani, one of my brothers, came from Judah with some other men, and I questioned them about the Jewish remnant that had survived the exile, and also about Jerusalem. They said to me, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire.” When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said:“Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s family, have committed against you. We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses. “Remember the instruction you gave your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations, but if you return to me and obey my commands, then even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a dwelling for my Name.’ “They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength and your mighty hand. Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man.”I was cupbearer to the king. 

Rehearsing....

Rehearsing.....

I woke up this morning, in the softness of the day....no yet daylight...night still for many...thinking about the coming day, praying for what was laid in my mind, rehearsing what events are coming, neither bad or good, this time....opened Jesus calling and the phrase, "rehearsing Your troubles" stood out in neon lights, it seemed...

How many times have I rehearsed my troubles?  Chewed on and mulled over upcoming events, meetings, medical, mail, until they have become so magnified that they governed my attitude, my emotions, my life???  Failing to lay them down before the cross or going to Jesus with the burden and handing them over to His restful care? ....innumerable ....

.and for what purpose?....rehearsing doesn't make me a better actress, my lines are scary, the set and props unpainted...the Director and Author of the day is waiting for me to listen to Him, rather than the unknown, the fears, the what ifs,the liar/deceiver who wishes to ruin the whole script....

So a retake would be, laying down the day at the Director's feet, asking for His direction, His dialogue, His script, .....and waiting for His reward.....not the shiny manmade statue...or the worries that usually don't come true...but, entering the day with His peace...

Thank YOU, that You Are the ultimate Director in the preparation for Heaven...help me to listen to your truth, your word each day....

Jesus calling-January 16

Come to Me, and rest in My loving Presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you—now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to Me, and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
—Matthew 11:28–30

“No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you… Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
—Joshua 1:5, 9