Sleeping alone .....

Sleeping alone...

Upon the death of a spouse, we who are left, all of the sudden are sleeping alone not by choice....oh, maybe We have been doing that for awhile because of snoring or whatever, but that is by choice...now it is not..all of the sudden, we reach across the bed and no one is there and the space is empty....we wander around the house as if looking for some one and they are gone...

As if in a dream, we check their comfy chair, or their office space and they are still not there...then we realize in our wakefulness that they are gone and won't be coming back...we wanted to have the morning kiss or hug, or tell them something, just their presence ...and it has vanished...the realization of their departure  hits  again and again...for so many reasons...they aren't going to call, or drive up....we can't check in, the house temperature is our responsibility, whatever chores are ours as well...no sharing ....alone....

We can sense God's presence...it is almost tangible...His peace, comfort...even His Joy and understanding...we can talk to Him and we may even talk to our spouse as we work through each day and night..."what do I do now" or "I am so missing you"... This aloneness isn't fun and wasn't part of my plans....and maybe even the "whys"...  

It takes months not to expect those phone calls...those moments of conversation...we have practiced them for so long ....the ambushes of the vehicles as they turn the "wrong " way and we don't know the drivers...the little things that we associate with our loved ones...

We have turned the page to a new and different chapter, still part of God's plan...different from ours...we just couldn't read ahead...but, God has...

Thank YOU for filling each page of our book with Your perfect will for our lives...but please comfort us when we are sleeping alone, when the tears soak our pillows, when we need answers or just a comforting thought...each and every hour...bringing the joy and peace that only You can give us...

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8 Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, 

I will never be shaken. 

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 

My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,for God is our refuge. 

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Songs...again...

Songs...again...

"Blessings"

"The Rock won't move"

"When the stars burn down", singing blessing to our God...

"Cornerstone"

Songs we sang at church yesterday morning...all faith builders...after the laments...and still lamenting ....praying for peace, comfort, decisions ...of families facing tremendous decisions...and no "head" anymore...

I remember when my mother passed away surprisingly...I was like a robot in some ways...going through the motions ....then the same happened with my husband and with my father....going through the motions, trying to get everything accomplished, the papers signed, the funerals/memorials planned quickly, meaningfully...people taken care of...items taken care of...motels, car rentals, mortuaries, speakers, seating, people feelings...

God undergirded everything silently, peacefully, ....adding strength upon strength...He was in the midst of it all..

Thank YOU, for adding peace, strength...to our lives when we need it so desperately....

Psalm 18:32 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. 

Psalm 28:6-7 Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield;my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. 

Psalm 59:16 But I will sing of your strength,in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. 

A lament....2...

A lament...2...

1. la·ment

   /ləˈment/

   noun

   • 1.a passionate expression of grief or sorrow"his mother's night-long laments for his father"synonyms:wail, wailing, lamentation, moan, moaning, ... more

   verb

   • 1.mourn (a person's loss or death)"he was lamenting the death of his infant daughter"synonyms:mourn, grieve, sorrow, wail, weep, ... moreantonyms:celebrate, rejoice

   Powered by  Oxford Dictionaries

   
   

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   Yesterday, when I wrote my blog, I didn't realize how the day was going to play out...

   
   

   It was that there was a sadness that seemed to touch my soul early on...

   As the morning proceeded, I found out that my husband's business partner had passed away the previous day from the cancer he had been battling so courageously...too young, with four wonderful children, a great supporting wife...a sorrow...a lament...seemed appropriate ....

   
   

   Even though the opposite was happening in the heavens that another Christian geologist gained heaven and reached those gold paved streets...

   
   

   Psalm 116:15 Precious in the sight of the Lord Is the death of his faithful servants. 

   
   

   He and my husband spent their careers looking for the minerals that are built into heaven...and now they have found them abundantly...and can look to their hearts content...

   
   

   They, who are left here, still need the prayers of others to make it through the days and nights...his wife needs the Herculean strength that only God gives to his children, to face each day that is coming, the rest, the right decisions...the children need the comfort of others, as well as their mother to go on without their beloved father...God can be their guide, their father, their husband ...an intimate help in all things..

   
   

   They may lament, groan, cry, weep, grieve...but there will be times of guilty laughter, joy as well...in the coming weeks ahead....as they need the prayers of others to uphold them through this time...

   
   

   Thank YOU that You comfort us ....You hold us up when we stumble, You enfold us when we cry out..You give wisdom when we ask...You welcome us Home....You number our days...and bless them with good things....Help this wife and children to lean into You and be comforted...

   
   

   
   

   Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days,that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

   
   

   2 Corinthians 1:3-7 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. 

A lament....

A lament...

Ezekiel 19:10-14 “‘Your mother was like a vine in your vineyard planted by the water; it was fruitful and full of branches because of abundant water. 

Its branches were strong, fit for a ruler’s scepter.

It towered high above the thick foliage, conspicuous for its height and for its many branches. 

But it was uprooted in fury and thrown to the ground.The east wind made it shrivel, it was stripped of its fruit; its strong branches withered and fire consumed them. 

Now it is planted in the desert, in a dry and thirsty land. Fire spread from one of its main branches and consumed its fruit. 

No strong branch is left on it fit for a ruler’s scepter.’

"This is a lament and is to be used as a lament.” 

I woke up with this scripture in my mind...

Yesterday as the day passed from morning to afternoon, the clouds darkened and darkened over our dry and thirsty land, until a beautiful rainbow appeared in the east sky and the the skies opened up with a torrent of rain...the earth quickly soaking up the moisture that it needs so desperately. And this morning, it is crystal clear...

This year we have had the dry winds, the fires, the dryness, but the gardens have flourished in the continued warmth...

But this passage is about so much more than our summer weather..it is about  flourishing ending in downfall...fruitfulness to withering, abundance to emptiness, strong to weak, heights to the ground .. A lament of a nation, a person, when they or he/she has gone down...and nothing is left ...

What a sad ending to popularity, pride, heights of profession, seeking other gods, turning away from God...a lament....

thank YOU for Your word as constant reminders of how easy it is to fall, to go from the mountain tops to the valleys of life.. .help me keep my eyes focused on You and Your ever present love...

Rest...

Rest...

My cell phone would not work...then my iPad would not work...so after several frustrating tries, I shut the whole system down throughout the house...turned off the power, waited, and restarted it...

And just like that everything turned on and worked wonderfully again...just in overuse mode...

Kind of like me after coming home from a very busy summer...I was in overload and needed some rest...had caught  a bug that was a little resistant to medicines and had to double it for a longer period of time....and I needed to rest both bodily and mindfully...and I don't like taking naps, but that was not my call...shut down and be still and rest....get recharged, and then start up again...hard to accept, but it was worth it...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1-W3B3OUkN0

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9693D91yaUE

I want to go full steam ahead all the time, and have a hard time remembering that I can't do that....

For as long as I can remember, my father would lay down in the middle of the day, cover his eyes with his handkerchief and take a ten minute power nap...when I was little, we would would go out to tend cattle or look over the range...we would eat our lunch sitting in the pastures in the blowing grasses, or near a spring, or sitting on a rock on the hillside, and he would lay back, cover his eyes and be out..,and then arise and be ready to finish the day with renewed strength... As I got older, we sat in the woods, or near a river or wherever we happened to be and he would do the same...

I was wide awake!!!

Then I married and my husband could do the same, take a power nap and be rejuvenated quickly by a few minutes of rest...wherever he might be, in the truck, on the hillside,....

And I was wide awake, again...and I felt guilty napping...but, not as much as I used  to...

Rest....we all need it from time to time...for our weary minds and bodies...it is good emotionally and physically...

Thank YOU for giving us rest...helping me realize that it is okay to rest...and to rest in You...

Exodus 33:14 The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” 

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

Psalm 16:9, 11 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;my body also will rest secure, You make known to me the path of life;you will fill me with joy in your presence,with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 

Psalm 23:1-3 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures,he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

My tree....

My tree...

As I said I an earlier blog, I lost three fruit trees this winter. One was replaced and the other spots just covered over... Less leaves to rake...

So I still have three fruit trees left, one actually had real apples until the wind took them off one day..so greenery....then the deer really like one of them, jumps the fence and keeps it trimmed while I am away...oh well...

The funny thing is, the  deer have trimmed one tree into the shape of a heart..so I have this 9 foot heart shaped apple tree in my back yard..what a gift...so every time I look at that tree, I smile and say thanks for the heart....I needed that heart this summer of busyness and change...and God sent  it in a most unusual way...

Sometimes we have to look for the heart of a matter...other times it stands out right in front of us...looking for the good in something we perceive as hard, bad, tragic...it may not come immediately, but when trusting, we may have the opportunity to see it at some point in time...and take it in faith that God knows what he is doing...even though I don't see it and may never see it...just like the people in Hebrews 11...

Or knowing that in all things God work for the good of those who Love Him...

Romans 8:28-30 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 

Or knowing that God has a plan  as in Jeremiah 29:11-13..

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

I realize that a heart shaped Apple tree is a small thing in the big kingdom of God, but I have to trust that because He says He cares for the sparrows, knows the number of hairs I have  on my head, that He cares to send those deer to shape my Apple tree into a huge heart to remind me again of Himself and His heart for me..

Thank YOU for huge heart that You Have given me through Your self....Your love lifts me up...and helps me stand through pain and change... 

An example....

An example.....

There are times when I really don't want to write these blogs and I put them off, even though they really bring joy to my heart...it is bittersweet, bringing joy on one hand and being vulnerable on the other....I don't like to bring up some of the hurts from the past, but find that's what I am supposed to do at times...

A case in point ....when one of our sons was going through some really rough times which of course drug the rest of us into the miry pit, my husband and I went to our pastor at the time and asked if I should step down from my position as women's ministry leader...

he looked at us and said, "No, people are watching to see how you were handling it..I am watching to see how you handle it. Please don't step down" so nothing was hidden in order to "look" good... We were exposed to the elements and the people around us...humbled by the experience, the visits to jail, the court rooms, the drugs, the rehab...

After that meeting with the pastor, I had several women come forward who were experiencing the same things and other hidden deep issues which they just needed some one to talk to ...God used those times to comfort, as an example, to draw others to Himself... Showing that we humans are not perfect by any means, but He works In our lives through the good and bad stuff...

We didn't do it all right, but even those times were learning experiences....

That was my thoughts this weekend as the pastor was talking about Moses.  One of his points...was, "sometimes God moves in our lives so that 'other people' will see Him"... Using the scripture Exodus 14:4

"And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.” So the Israelites did this. "

I am not saying that we were on the same scale as Moses and his great life, but God  uses anyone to show Himself...he uses experiences-good and bad, to grow us and maybe to encourage those around us....

The pastor's next statement was "in today's culture, it is easy to think that our lives are really only about us".  We are so self centered...but God is God, no matter what culture we live it,..He draws people to himself...we are vessels to hold His Glory not our own... 

No, we didn't do everything right...we complained, we cried, we got upset, but God was faithful and still is in each season of life....

Thank YOU that you are with me all the time...be Glorified...

Exodus 14:13-14 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 

Why Does It Hurt So Much?   A daily devotion for September 1st   From your friends at RayStedman.org     Read: 2 Corinthians 1:1-7       Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).       The words, trouble and comfort, stand out repeatedly in this passage, and the two always go together. Trouble is what we today would probably call pressure or stress. It is what many of you, perhaps, are feeling right now when you think about going to work. It is whatever ties knots in your stomach and makes you feel anxious or frightened about what lies ahead. It is what makes for hectic days and sleepless nights. It gnaws continually at your mind and threatens your well-being; it refuses to go away and leave you alone; it depresses you and darkens the future with forebodings of disaster. Comfort is more than just a little cheer or friendly word of encouragement. The word basically means to strengthen. What Paul experienced was the strengthening of God to give him a peaceful, restful spirit to meet the pressure and stress with which he lived. It is amazing to me how many Christians dread facing their daily lives because they feel pressured and stressful and tied up in knots, and yet they never avail themselves of God's provision for that kind of pressure. These words are not addressed to us merely to be used for religious problems. They are to be used for any kind of stress, any kind of problems. God's comfort, God's strengthening, is available for whatever creates stress in your life. I say that many do not avail themselves of it. The reason I say that is because they give every evidence that they behave just like anybody else who is not a Christian—they try to escape their pressures. Or, if they are Christian, they are praying that they will be rescued from their pressures, that the problems will be taken away. You can always tell how ill-taught Christians really are when you hear their prayers. Invariably they pray to have their problems taken away or to be completely shielded from them. All their hopes are for escape somehow, and all their reactions are either worry; a murmuring, complaining spirit; anger; or fear. This is not Christianity in action. Listen to Paul: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He praises God for the circumstances of his life even though there are afflictions. He calls God the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. He sees God's hand as having sent these things into his life; therefore, he doesn't pray to have them removed so that he might escape from them. He sees them as opportunities for the release of the strength of God. Father, I confess to You that I am often truculent about my difficulties. I resent them. I do not want to accept them. I want them removed or I become rebellious, and I complain. Help me to trust and be at peace.       Life Application   In times of grief and troubles, do we find significance and comfort in knowing we are being equipped to serve others for Jesus' sake?   Related Message   For more on this portion of Scripture read the message: Why Does it Hurt so Much? or listen to the audio by clicking:   Listen to Ray     Previous Devotions for September Next       Want to Subscribe?   Subscribe / Unsubscribe to this Daily Devotion by Email   Copyright © 2014 Ray Stedman Ministries — This daily devotion is from the book The Power of His Presence: a year of devotions from the writings of Ray Stedman, compiled by Mark Mitchell. It may be copied for personal non-commercial use only in its entirety free of charge. All copies must contain this copyright notice and a hyperlink to RayStedman.org if the copy is posted on the Internet.