Glorious desperation....

Glorious desperation...

I took a spiritual gifting test again yesterday...I knew what the outcome would be, it really hasn't changed over the decades...but the manifestations of the gifting has...

I used to be in the everyday life on the local body of believers, involved in the  
decision making, the guts of the church, the office work, the creativity of activities, the planning of conferences,  teaching, facilitating, decorating, weddings, Bible Study development, meetings on goals, staff meetings about the lives of the body of believers of which I was a part...busy...loving every minute of it...
My husband was on boards, teaching, mentoring on various subjects-especially money management, encouraging others...involved as well...
We felt so fulfilled...so alive in what God was doing in our lives...

Then the "cancer" word and its ramifications hit and changed our family's lives forever...we continued to live out his short last months as well as we could...then fog...mazes of new "to us" directions, moving to a new community, dramatic changes...finding new paths, purposes slowly manifested itself and I am still finding my way...over 4 years later...oh, how I miss the former days...the usefulness I felt, meeting others needs daily, counseling, mentoring ...."the leeks" of a former home...
I miss the day to day love of my  husband, the common goals, the activity of those around  us, the purpose, the creativity of ideas...

But, on the other hand, I am learning so much in this new life, meeting new people  I would have not met if I stayed where I was, watching my children and grandchildren grow and mature, learning new life lessons, writing things I never took time to put down....a new chapter...and maybe many new chapters...

Studying 2 Timothy, Paul's last book...brings light to these years...how he trusts, how he wants to encourage his "dear son" to carry on the gifts that God has entrusted to him...

And that word "entrusted" is key to all of our lives...we are entrusted with so much from God, nothing is wasted, no experiences, no years of activity or no activity, no teaching....nothing is wasted...and that is hard to wrap my head around...God uses everything to grow us, entrusting us with more and more to give ...

Thank YOU....

2 Timothy 1:11-14 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am.
Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.