There are memories in life that are attached to raw emotions of sadness, joy, distress, fear and many others that are not forgotten easily. One of mine was having children or not...
When my husband and I could see the light at the end of the college tunnel and graduation and jobs were in the near future, we decided it was time to start a family as well. We wanted a family as part of our lives. It was frustrating, disappointing, heart wrenching as month after month went by with no pregnancy to announce. We wondered if adoption was going to be our option until finally we were successful. Elation ensued even in the morning sickness. 4 1/2 months into the pregnancy, we miscarried...the pain, the heart break was almost unbearable. I remember those days as if they were yesterday...forty plus years ago...it was a fog of emotional pain as well as hormonal ups and downs....
This repeated itself three more times with no "successful" end...we have five babies is heaven... Finally, on the fifth pregnancy, I was able to carry it to term, with an easy, quick three hour labor and voila, our first son....who has grown into an extraordinary man...
One more miscarriage followed by one more successful pregnancy, a wonderful daughter. It was our desire to have more, but decided the physical and emotional pain of miscarriages was too much, so we adopted two babies who have grown into amazing adults. I don't even think of them as adopted, they were gifts just as our biological children are, just a different entrance...
But the emotional times of miscarriages, births, adoption are seared into my soul...they were heartbreaking and joyful...fulfilling the desires of our hearts, with lessons of God's sovereignty and grace....as a couple we loved one another through the thick and thin, joy and hardship....as I look back, I wonder at the pain, ask why, and why not...God allows good and bad in our lives with a purpose for our surrender to His plans. He comforts in sorrow, dances with us in joy...loves us eternally...thank YOU...
1 Samuel 1:1-20 There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”
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